ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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