I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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