Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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