the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
