i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
