Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
3 2 1 whiskey
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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