Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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