So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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