At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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