All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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