The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize