If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
