Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
