Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
