Cold hands, warm shart.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels