I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism