Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol