everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.