Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
