Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
