i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
