We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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