now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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