he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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