We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
