4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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