He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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