you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
