Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
