I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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