No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
