rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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