my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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