My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
