I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
