They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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