i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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