dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
accomplished twins. life is a go
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
