Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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