I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
