I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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