How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
