tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm too high and old for this...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
