wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
