you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're like the curious george of whores
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize