My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
