Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
