im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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