I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
