I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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