I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
