I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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