my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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