my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
