i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
