It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
